She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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