I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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