I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
