put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
