I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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