Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
