thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
