so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
