In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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