you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
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i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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