I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
