I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize