Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
