At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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