mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
