dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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