I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
