There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
