Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
