she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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