I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
