here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
