In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
