it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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