This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Little spoons don't ask big questions
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
