I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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