He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He better not be in your backpack
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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