Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
