you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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