I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
