Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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