i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
