I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
