his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
