Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
