Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
