i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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