All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize