Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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