are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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