I'm gonna have a badass scar
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
