If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
