Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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