It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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