onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
