i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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