the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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