He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
