Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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