I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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