Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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