Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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