I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
