He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
