Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..