went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
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Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
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I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.