if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.