I want to walk on stilts...naked
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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