The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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