that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you win again, gameday.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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