I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
