I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
