That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
