I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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