Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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