Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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