just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
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He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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