I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
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How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
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She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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