So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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