there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
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his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
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A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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