my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
