people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
