Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
