I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
