Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
