During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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