so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
