i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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