Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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