I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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