Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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