gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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