the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
